How do I get rid of these thoughts?

My boyfriend used to be addicted to porn. More than 10 years. We just recently decided to stop having sex because it was a negative thing for us. He told me that he ruined sex for himself, it’s hard to come back from wanting to just satisfy an urge to actually being with me to be with me and that the reason why we don’t have sex a lot is because I don’t turn him on like porn does. Because his brain is re-wired to only get off to that.

I am ok not having sex because it makes me so unhappy and cringe thinking about doing it because of the things he’s said. That I don’t turn him on like porn.

But I’m starting to have thoughts about hurting myself. Not permanently. I just want to do something to hurt on the outside so I don’t have to hurt so bad on the inside. I know that that isn’t healthy (I do have a therapist, she’s just fully booked). I am not looking for judgment, just advice. I am not looking to leave the relationship because I love him, just ways to cope more.