Suffering from PPD but can’t

I have been having so much rage, and feelings of despair that I just thought that I wasn’t cut out for motherhood but yesterday was my breaking my point where I realized that yes this PPD. The day started like any other day but I was angry just as usual. A stupid small argument happened. And I just changed my clothes and left. I had no plan on to where I was going, I just left. I ended up at Barnes and nobles reading books and drinking coffee. All I wanted to do was jump in the car and just go, I wanted to just drive and go where ever the road took me. If it wasn’t for money and the fact that I had the only good car we have then I would have those were the only two things keeping me from fleeing. And finally I looked up the symptoms of PPD. As I read them I realized everything I have been feeling is PPD. It almost made me want to cry but also made me want to laugh. I was able to right in my journal I bought but I can’t muster the words up to tell my husband. I physically just look at him and my mind is screaming tell him but I my mouth just says I am fine. I wish he could just see what was going on I don’t want to feel like this anymore. But how can I get help when asking for it seems to be impossible. Feel like a prisoner.