Everything I prayed for just got ripped out of my life.

If you see my ‘page’, this is my first cycle TTC #2.

It’s been the craziest, longest two weeks of my life. And the hardest. It got to the point where I thought I was just crazy. Maybe wanting it so bad made me feel things that weren’t there.

I did take a test at 13dpo but got a BFN. I didn’t want to take a pregnancy test again until I missed my period.

(My pregnancy with my son, I didn’t get a positive until a week after my missed period. And I had a chemical back in 2017, also didn’t get a positive because I lost it the first day of my next period. But I lost it for sure.)

Well anyways. This time around, I knew something was up. Nothing I was feeling was normal for me, but I tried not to psych myself out. Then I made it to being 3 days late. Which was yesterday at 17dpo. I started cramping early in the morning around 9am. And as the day progressed, so did the cramps. They weren’t as bad as my cramps from the previous loss, but still uncomfortable and painful of course.

I started spotting around 3pm. I’ve never spotted before. But I heard it was totally normal. Nothing when I peed, just a tiny bit of spotting.

Then I took a nap, because I’ve been so tired. When I woke up at 7:25, I used the bathroom and saw the blood coming out. I sat in the bathroom and dazed out, I couldn’t believe it.

I still had hope though. Lots of women have a little bright bleeding? Right? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Well it kept getting worse. Every time I used the bathroom it got darker and darker. At 12am I had little stringy blood clots. I literally was still holding out hope. But I have to be crazy to continue to think I have a chance of being pregnant.

I continue to bleed even now. Except I can (TMI) feel different consistency to it, and definite clots. The cramps aren’t as bad anymore but damn.

After my loss in 2017, I just prayed it wouldn’t happen again. And it did. What would’ve been 4weeks 4 days today, now I’m miscarrying.

I even stopped googling things. Thinking to myself I didn’t wanna jinx anything. 🙄

My bf is devastated too of course, he’s away for work so he’s not here.

I just needed to vent again. This sucks so much. But hopefully my cycle gets back on track soon and we can try again in time for a 2020 baby.

Also, God bless the women that push through and overcome these same challenges time and time again. You’re so strong. And I pray we still are able to make and keep our babies whether they’re 2020 babies or not.

Any ladies out there have bled early on and stayed pregnant? I’d love to hear those stories. And also any ladies bleed and didn’t have a successful pregnancy, if it’s not too much, can you share yours ?