This is a long story - u have been warned!!!

So my boyfriend and I first got together August 2017 - we were both 15, he turned 16 a couple weeks later. He'd had gfs in the past but like nothing serious and had kissed girls. I hadnt kissed anyone until his birthday 2 weeks later.

I know you're thinking we're young but hear me out. We took things slow, just kissing and making out and it was really fun, we were so obsessed with each other and it really was love. May 2018 we had sex (both our first times) after i turned 16, and we grew even stronger. He wrote me cute letters and we took photos together and sent gross kissy face texts - but it was so magical and we were so in love with each other.

Of course there were dumb little fights but we both ended up crying and hugging it out. He met some of my family and i met his. We were supporting each other through good and bad. We only wanted to see each other.

September 2018 he went on a cruise. I told him i was worried about other girls but he promised he would tell me anything that happened- even a causal hug or something. And he did. He told me there was a girl that really liked him but he told her he had a gf. What he didnt tell me was that he added her on snapchat.

December 2018 i found that he had lied about watching porn (i didnt mind if he did bc we werent having regular sex but i asked out of curiosity and he said no) and i broke it off in the heat of the moment. Later on he explained he lied bc he knew i was insecure about my body and didnt want me to feel even worse knowing he was watching girls who's entire job it to look sexy. He has such a sweet soul and i knew he meant it but it still hurt.

A week or so later i was wondering, he lied about the porn so what else did he lie about. so i logged into his snapchat and there she was. I was so hurt and i cried for weeks. Even he didnt have an explanation for me.

Over the next few months we were still in love but werent together. I still went to him as soon as anything bad happened and he still wrote letters and even surprised me with my fave chocolates on valentines. We were in the same friend group and had 2 classes together so i couldnt avoid him and the love never died.

May 2019 i found out he had a Snapchat account he made after we broke up filled with girls. He flirted and had asked for nudes but didnt send any back. I asked him why and he said bc he was trying to get over me. I told him we couldve had a second chance but there was no way now. I was ready to close our chapter.

And then he started going to counselling - he wanted to work on expressing his emotions healthily instead of defaulting to lying. I was so happy for him and for us, if he loves me enough to go to a counselor and work throug all this stuff for me then surely we could get back together.

July 2019 it happens. we're back together. For a few months its like a dream and everything was perfect. He came to my netball games. I helped him get his maths grade up. He held me while i stressed about exams. We graduated and went to leavers. We went to each others family Christmases. everything was how it was meant to be.

Feb 2020 it all came crashing down. I noticed a few small changes in his behaviour but when i asked him about it he brushed it off. we planned a trip to bussleton before i started uni. On the day before we were meant to leave he finally admitted hes changed, hes not as in love with me as he was. He said 60%. We still went to busso and when we got back he told me he was up at 75% and for the next month or 2 we were gonna improve our communication so i can give him space when we needs space etc. If he worked so hard to get back with me then surely we figure things out.

For 2 weeks it really seemed better. I didnt know how he felt which made me crazy but i was managing. Then we were sitting on the couch one day and he blurted out "i love you" and i was so happy we could be back to normal. Just a day or 2 later he said he was back to only 65-70%. i couldn't take it anymore and i ended it.

I realised later that no part of me wanted to break up - i still loved him but i was going crazy not knowing if it was working or if we were doomed.

Rn we've decided that yes we're apart but for the next month we're gonna update each other on feelings and see how we go. If hes being open that his feelings arent improving over the month then i can move on from him knowing we had no hope left.

I know i shouldnt wanna b with someone who doesnt appreciate me - but he is my safe place, he has veen since i was 15. I turn 18 in a month and i cant bear the thought of blowing out my candles without his arms around my waist.

Please give me any thoughts or advice. my friends have never been in love and just tell me to end it bc they only see the bad. they dont know the inside jokes, falling asleep on facetime, singing in the car, waking up to each other.

I love him so much