Dear Me,

Why do you hafta make everything so hard on yourself? Why can’t you have a break, and why is everything a competition? You’re 16 for gods sake it’s not like we running out of time here. I know you have big ambitions and even bigger problems, but you can’t solve them all. Not everything is in your control, and you hafta accept that.

For example? You just got a job. Be proud of that for more than a day. Only two weeks in and you don’t have the same pride you did because it’s fast food. Yah, it’s fucking fast food but it’s a first job. Got a job before your older sister by two years, be proud of that.

Next, don’t be so anxious. Nobody is out to hurt you physically, mentally, emotionally or any of the above. Not anymore. Your dad is gone out of your life for now. Therapist not work for you? Maybe try another cause everyone is different and you know it’s not your fault that it didn’t work. You’re not that fucked up. You suddenly quit your meds and spiraled. Now you’re pretending everything is fine again but it never was. Don’t. Do something about this this time and don’t let it get as bad as before. You are so much better than this, and you deserve to be happy. You deserve an ambitious amazing and happy future. Youre just in a minor slump right now.

Last, dont stress. You stress from the moment you open your eyes to the time you pass out from exhaustion in the early morning. I know you can’t sleep either but it’s not healthy to not sleep. Relax. Breathe. Let go of the past and things out of your control. Things will be as they are and you can deal with whatever happens. Stop isolating yourself from everyone and everything you love just because you’re scared. Your in high school but have literally no friends cause you isolate so bad. That motivation you once had, where did it go? The confidence? Your love of art? Your love of socializing? Your passion for piano? Passion for even watching your favorite tv shows? You sucked at everything but loved it, so the sucking part didn’t matter to you. You once read for fun, not to escape your own head. Once, a long time ago, you even loved yourself.

Let’s try it all again. Not all at once, but one step at a time. I know you long to be happy, so let’s find a new happy for you. You can do it. You deserve it. I believe in you.