WHAT THE HELL DO I DO

I have been with my boyfriend now for over a year. When we first met, he knew that my previous (and only other) relationship ended due to my ex’s drug use. The night he asked me to be his girlfriend, he revealed he used to use cocaine on a very regular and frequent basis, but assured me he no longer had any interest in using anything at all.

So I thought great, he understands my past, I understand his, and that everything was in the open and there shouldn’t be any problems moving forward in our relationship.

Fast forward 9 months, we move in together. Everything has been great. He had come home a couple times a little “off”, but he told me he was just really drunk or really stoned. Our mutual friends told me that they thought the same thing when I asked their opinions, so again I didn’t think much of it.

One night around New Years he comes home “off” again, but I felt there was more going on then him just being drunk or stoned...and he admitted that yes in fact he had been using cocaine, and that the times he was “off” before, he was high as well. My heart SHATTERED. I felt so incredibly lost. How the fuck does the man I love have the nerve to go behind my back and lie to my face for an entire year?!!

It’s happened a few times more, tonight included. Every time I try to have a conversation with him about it, it turns into a huge fight. I almost left for the night tonight. I’ve offered to get him help or do what it takes to help him, but he refuses and insists he’s fine and he just wants to have fun every couple of weeks. Guys what the hell do I do and how do I help him? It absolutely breaks my heart to see him harming himself and I don’t know what to do, I love him with my whole heart and I don’t want this to ruin our relationship 💔