Ashamed of myself

Today I am ashamed of myself for taking my frustrations out on my boyfriend. I know I should’ve handled myself better. I felt so disappointed with how I spoke to him.

When he got home I was just so angry. He was innocent in all of this. I’ve been stressed out over getting the apartment deep cleaned ,and bombed for bugs before the baby comes. The apartment we live in is so shitty, and we’re waiting for our lease to end so we can move to a bigger, and better managed complex.

I’m here all day in this fucking apartment mostly because of the stupid virus. If only they would just shutdown air travel, and state borders to stop people from traveling. That’d be nice if that would actually happen.

Anyway I just burst into tears because I realized how shitty of a person/ girlfriend I was being towards him. Just bawling about how sorry I was, and talking to him about why I’m sorry. I even asked why does he stay with me cause I haven’t been nice lately, and I am an emotional mess. I admitted to feeling lonely cause I don’t have friends to talk to.

He said he rather be with me than anywhere else. Would you count that as someone loving you even though you fall short sometimes? I’m definitely working on myself to do better at regulating my emotions and once this virus dies away, I’ll get out and find a mommy group to surround myself with people. Also joining a mom group do I don’t go insane from being in an apartment all day.