7 months of waiting

7 months, 1 week and 1 day of waiting and worrying for this day to come.

My baby boy had some things that didn't grow correctly in utero, and we discovered it at five days old after being emergencly transferred from a pediatrician's checkup to children's hospital for ultrasounds. Thankfully it ended up not being an emergency situation after all, he did need surgery but it wasn't a time sensitive issue. They wanted to wait until he was older and had a much higher chance of tolerating everything well.

Today (3.16.20) was the day. I handed my sweet, little baby boy over to the anesthesiologist and watched him walk through the door and away with him. Not a moment I can describe with words.

An hour and a half later, we got the news everything went well.

Two hours later I was holding my swollen, purple, crying, shaking little baby. No one prepared me for how he would look and how cold he would be after surgery. I thought surely something was wrong with him with how purple and blue he was, and how he was shaking.

He's in pain. He's confused why he hurts. I would do ANYTHING to take all of this away from him, to trade places with him. I would do anything to go back in time and do anything anyone could suggest to try to keep any of this from happening in the first place, although his surgeon reassured me multiple times that there was nothing I did that caused this, I was still the one responsible for growing him, nurturing him... How could I not sense that something was wrong?

But, we're home already. My baby boy is going to be ok. He will be. It will take a month of recovery, but with the virus going around anyway, I guess it's perfect timing.

I just wish I could take this all away from him.

So, this is love? This is love.

Please take your babies to their checkups. If you're worried about anything, be persistent. We couldn't get anyone to take us seriously about any of it, so we just kept asking until a LACTATION CONSULTANT listened, and SHE got us an immediate appointment with a pediatrician that wasn't even our own. You are your child's advocate. You know best. Stand up. Speak out. Don't take no for an answer.

Thank you so much for all the prayers and kind words, everyone. He's doing so great, he's a super tough little dude! We kept all of this a secret, because I couldn't have word of it get back to my grandma, she wouldn't have been able to handle it, so I posted anonymously. Keeping it a secret was also one of the hardest parts. It felt so isolating. But we're ok. I have my baby boy and I'm so thankful. Our medical professionals are angels on Earth. If you see one, you dang well better thank them for all they do, and not be hateful to them and tell them to not be out in public. They're risking their lives and saving lives, I can't believe they're getting threatened for pumping gas out in public.