No judgment please. ...so yesterday found out I’m pregnant...again. With my 4th child. I’m 22 years old. I have a 2.5 year old daughter and twin boys who will be 1 in 3 weeks. ❤️

(Back story) when my daughter was only 8-9mo and I found out I was pregnant again there was definitely an “oh shit” moment. But it didn’t last long, up until I found out it was TWINS lol then we like OH SHIT, WTFFF ARE WE GONNA DO?! 😂 But in a good way you know? This was gonna be awesome and at the end of the day we were excited for the incredible journey we were about to go on. And I wasn’t scared or confused for 1 second. So fast forward to yesterday and finding out I’m pregnant again. I’m scared and confused.

I was just starting my weight loss journey, was getting ready to go back to work full time, was just starting to be more social and give myself a mommy break without feeling guilty. I struggle with depression and anxiety and I was finally getting that under control (ppd hit me hard with the twins). The world pretty much feels like it’s ending with this virus, people getting laid off, all these different conspiracy theories, it scares me. How do I (or should I) bring another child into a world filled with so much chaos right now? Will the economy go to shit? I mean financially we’re fine but if my S/O ends up getting laid off bc of corona virus and I can’t find work bc if it then what? The 3 kids I have, will they feel betrayed? Does my S/O see me as this big fertile burden? See, all these thoughts have been racing through my mind since that second line showed up on that pregnancy test.

(If you’re wondering if I took all the necessary precautions to avoid pregnancy just in general the answer is yes, but here we are)

But on a positive note, I’ve always known I was meant to be a mother, I’ve always known I wanted a big family. Being pregnant and birthing children and raising them gives me a sense of purpose no one can ever take from me and for that I look at this as a blessing. My kids light up my world and when they look at me I see that it’s the same for them. Our home is filled with so much happiness and love because of their existence. Another baby would only add to it.

But I know everyone else (family) won’t see it that way. I’ve been praying to God asking him for clarity. I asked him to do what is in his plan to do and to give me strength on this journey.

- be kind to one another, I hope everyone has a great day. 💛