My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. A ton of ups and lots of downs. I was young when we got together and was not the best to him. I did my share of cheating if I’m being honest and he stayed anyway. Aside from the cheating we have been through having an abortion and even both testing positive for HIV. It has been a roller coaster but I do love him very much. However, i still find myself craving the attention of others. I’m drawn to someone else. But I cannot see myself leaving my boyfriend. We get along so well and like the same things. We have the best time when we’re together. Last year, after all the cheating and bs was over and we finally started to be okay, I found that he was cheating on me with men. I didn’t find it to be too shocking because I had seen something in the past that led me to believe it was something he was into. He lied about it then of course. But still, it didn’t bother me as much as I would have thought.

Sometimes I feel like I should have broken up with him but I didn’t because I felt obligated to be okay with it since he forgave me so many times, so so many times. And now here we are 6 months later and I although I love him so much I’m just not sure anymore. I don’t know why. We’ve talked about it before but we always end up still together. I don’t know how I’m feeling. I know I love him and I know that I can’t see myself with anyone else long term. But I also know that I am still wanting to talk to other people (one in particular who knows about my status). I don’t know why I’m having these feelings. But needed to put them somewhere and see if anyone else has gone through this.

And please, any judgey comments are not necessary, I feel bad enough as it is.