A few weeks ago I skipped my February cycle and at this point I'm updating my boyfriend (we live together & have a 10 year age difference 24/34) about what's happening, and he immediately says you might be pregnant. So I take a pregnancy test early in the morning the next day, and my hands are shaking because I have a feeling he is right and I am not prepared. Not even a minute goes by and the test turns [+ pregnant]. I sit on the toilet while he FT's me from work, he says everything will be okay.

So we have a talk later that day, I tell him I'm just not mentally or physically prepared for a child as of right now, but I do want a family with him in the future. And truth be told, I struggle with depression and I'm scared that I'll be passing that on, but I didn't mention that to him.

He tells me that although it was unexpected we could make it work, we'll just have to be more financially strict and make sure that I am making healthy choices. He ends by saying ultimately it's my decision at the end of the day.

A day after, I make an appointment with my local women's clinic and find out that I am 6w+1d. The nurse asks me if I plan on keeping or terminating the pregnancy, but I tell her I'm unsure and she hands me a card with their number incase I have any questions. Ten days pass by since my appt and I am going through the worst case of morning sickness; I'm throwing up multiple times a day, I can barely get up to do mundane tasks or keep anything down. I even have to skip my college classes because I feel like I can pass out any second. My boyfriend buys me nausea meds, prenatal supp., anti acids, but nothing is helping. I felt so weak and helpless throwing up everything and anything even water! I kept thinking if I do keep the baby will my parents finally accept my interracial relationship? Will I be able to accomplish all the things I have planned for myself and my career? And if I don't, will this ruin my relationship with my partner? Or ruin my future chances of pregnancy?

I then initiated a conversation with my 2 lifelong friends, one of which had an abortion before. They told me that they supported me no matter what and will always be there for me at the end. So, finally I make the follow up appt for a medicinal (pill) abortion. It was hard, emotional, and painful, but I was relieved when it was over with.

I'm just unsure how things will be like with my boyfriend now since it seemed like he was warming up to the idea of being a father. I've tried explaining to him that I do want a family with him, but not at this moment when I barely have my own two feet on the ground. He hasn't said much, but what he did say was a little heartbreaking, he said he wasn't happy with my decision. My friend says he's grieving in his own way, and I understand and respect that, but I'm just unsure if he knows that I'm also saddened by this as well.

I'm thankful for the support of my friends, they've been helping me push through this difficult time. I also hope that in the days to come, once our feelings and emotions have calmed down, that him and I are able to have heart to heart about this.