Sometimes I need to vent. And sometimes I want to cry. But never in my relationship and even the year we’ve been married have I been so defeated.

Our sex life has been far from perfect. It’s caused us to almost split because of his lack of desire. We went 12 weeks without sex once and it was insane. It’s not just the sex. He shows no physical affection to me. We don’t hug. We don’t really kiss. We don’t cuddle much. And now that we have a dog in the house I can’t even put my foot on his foot when I go to sleep (I know that’s pathetic but I need human contact!!!! He always complains so the foot was a compromise). It’s caused a lot of issues. He says it’s not me it’s him and sometimes I try really really hard to believe that. So we decided for once a week, and I would get things started to help. So we would “schedule” sex. And for a while that worked. Well since January whenever we schedule sex he always bails and we end up doing it days later making it around every two weeks.

Which was okay..... well the last time we had sex was February 3rd. I had surgery March 5th and I just now feel good enough. Well a few days ago I told him I wanted to do it Wednesday. Well last night came and I was overly tired!!!!!! I was laying on his arm in the bed and at one point he goes “man you are all over me” mind you my head was the ONLY thing touching him. I get over it and I fell asleep on my side of the bed before our daughter went to sleep. He woke me up at 10:30pm to feed the rescue rabbit. He first talks to be me and by the time we get to the bed he has gone back on his phone. Which again is fine. I was going to sleep. Well I try to go to sleep and realize I want some action and I roll over because this is a first. And I ask him if he wanted to put the dog outside the bedroom. He says yes! He gets the dog and takes it to the living room. He comes back and takes his pants off lays down and laughs. This throws me off. I got out of bed and took my clothes off and was coming to kiss him. So I go back to bed get in it and try to kiss him and he pulls away. He then busts out laughing again and I say fine I’m not doing this. Which usually will prompt him to kiss me. He doesn’t.

So I of course start rubbing him trying to get things started and guys I kid you not. He puts his face in his hands and says “I haven’t taken a shower let’s do it tomorrow” MY HAND IS WRAPPED AROUND HIS DICK! I realized what just happened and I am shocked I just rolled over and said goodnight. I got up and realized what happened this morning and I have cried non stop!!!! He humiliated me! He rejected me and not only that he made me feel disgusting! I mean I felt like I had come on to him and forced him. I felt terrible.

I have a few things to say to him but honestly I’m just done. I’m done trying to please him. I get it now. I know it’s me and I’m just done. I don’t even think I can look at him..... I don’t want to look at him. 😔