I dont want orgasm

Me and my boyfriend we don’t have sex, so we masturbate manually or like oral sex and first time hi made me orgasm was when we drink some alcohol before and I have 4 orgasms. The other day he made me orgasm I started to cry and I have no idea why but I started to apologize him. He hug me and calm me and let down with me in oh arms but since that moment I don’t orgasm with him. When I’m alone I don’t have problem with that but when he is rubbing my clit a push his hand away :(( I really try to orgasm because it’s been almost a year sines that