I think I have ppd, I had slight depression before I had my kids. I am currently 21, I have two kids and a third on the way.

I have my oldest when I was 18, I noticed the closer I got to my due date the more my anger and depression amplified but I was told by doctors it would settle after she came out. Well after she came out, the anger chilled but the depression stuck. It wasn’t to the point where I wanted to lay in bed all day but where I just suddenly got hit with a wave of helplessness.

I got pregnant with my second baby at 19 when my oldest was 7 months old and had her at 20. I had extreme anger problems worse than the first time and my depression hit me harder and I was the definition of the wicked witch of the west to my fiancé to the point he thought I literally hated him, after I had her the anger calmed once again but the depression got worse.

I am pregnant once again , about 12-14 weeks(havent seen a doctor, no insurance) and I’m at the point to where I have NO motivation whatsoever and I want to sit on my ass all day and do nothing, which isn’t like me. I have to tell myself 10000 times “get up and do something” before I actually do it. I feel tired constantly, not just from being pregnant but emotionally. I dont have any crazy anger issues this time but I’m feeling so distant from everyone(besides my babies they’re the only ones that cheer me up). Im constantly in a “slump” and I literally feel like there are weights on me.

I don’t want depression medicine because I’ve had bad experiences with them when I was a young teen, I want something natural. I want to be me again without the chemicals. I don’t know how to meditate and if anyone knows how and would like to explain please go ahead. I will take any advice. I want help and I’d like to get better, I cant afford a therapist so please don’t recommend that.

Thank you to anyone that responds