My Boy Says He Wants to Hurt Me

Our 3 year-old has recently (in the last month) had an incredibly short fuse and when he’s “seeing red” (only way I can describe it), has started telling my husband and me that he wants to hit/pinch/hammer/twist(?)...etc. us, and then do everything he can to do it. As far as we know, he doesn’t do this to friends or teachers at preschool, and he’s remained gentle with his 4 month-old baby brother, but it’s become a daily occurrence as of about 3 weeks ago, and we are at our wits end. For example, he will fly off the handle if we tell him he can’t watch an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, or if I ask him to stop kicking the seat in front of him in my car.

I’ll tell him he can’t hit me because it hurts, and he’ll say he wants to hit (or whatever it is he wants to do), and he wants to hurt me. I’ve tried showing zero emotion and walking away, I’ve tried showing him that he’s hurt my feelings. We tell him every time it’s not okay to hit and hurt us or anyone else. When he’s not seeing red, he knows it’s not okay, if he accidentally hits me with a toy, he’ll kiss me where I got hurt (even tries to kiss my feet if he accidentally steps on my foot). He tells people “I hurt mama!” So I know it’s on his mind.

I guess I kind of want to know I’m not alone, but I really am hoping someone might have some advice? I have no idea what I’m doing wrong, I just miss my sweet boy.