Huge argument with hubby. He thinks I’m not coping and I’m frustrated. Thoughts?

Okay, this is going to be long but PLEASE stick with it as I’d really appreciate some input.

Me and hubby have been together 10 years and got together when we were 16/17. We’ve been married 1.5 years and have an 8.5 month old. He’s military and works away Monday - Friday so is home weekends and whenever he has additional leave.

Due to Coronavirus he’s been at home the last 2 weeks. In that time he’s watched our son for a total of 3 hours give or take. He won’t watch him unless I ask and he tells me I need to let him know in advance.

But that’s not the issue that’s bought me here. He’s a gamer. For the last few nights he’s been staying up to 3/4 am playing him game and not waking up until mid afternoon (and he’s only getting up then because I’m moaning at him). When he does wake up he plays his game all day.

Now, this morning our son woke up at 5:20am (which due to the clock change in the U.K. was actually 4:20 am). I’d spent all morning with our baby and at 12pm asked my hubby to get up. He said he ‘wanted to’ be didn’t. I basically kept moaning at him to get out of bed. He said ‘why?’ And I said because I wanted help. I’d like to point out I didn’t need the help but I just wanted him to get up and was getting frustrated that he was still in bed in the afternoon.

Anyways, he asked what help I needed and said ‘Anything! Help cleaning up. Watching xxxxx while I tidied up...’ and he said okay. 5 mins later he was still in bed and by this point I was furious. I know that might seem like an overreaction but I’ve had barely any sleep with the early wakings and night feedings (which of course all falls to me). I lost my shit. He said ‘I’m up’ and I yelled that I needed space. I left my son in his high chair in the kitchen and left the house with his dad upstairs in bed.

As soon as I got in the car I felt guilty and came home after less than 5 minutes.

My husband called me a crazy bitch (side context: my mum has bipolar disorder and he’s always trying to tell me I have it too and often calls me crazy). He pushed me while our son was in his arms and told me if I ever left him again he was punch me into next week. I have tried to leave with our son before and he’s told me I’m not allowed to take him anywhere and has threatened me, which is why I left him. He’s always verbally abusive/threatening during arguments.

After returning home he tried to get me to admit that I’m not coping. I’d like to point out during the week I feel so content, when he’s not around - I know that sounds bad. What’s annoying to me is that he’s here for a length of time and chooses not to help because if I don’t NEED it then why would he. That’s ridiculous to me because it’s not ‘help’ when it comes to family - it’s called being a father and husband.

I know what most of you will be thinking right now and you’ll tell me to leave him. I do love him despite everything and want to make things work.