NICU mamas...

Hi ladies. My baby boy, my sweet Toby, was a NICU baby. There were a lot of complications when he was born. It’s too much to type, I don’t have it in me to type for an hour lol. He is doing well now but will require long term follow ups with the neurologist. So I just want to know... does it get better? The fear, the anxiety. The anger. I’m on antidepressants and those do help. But I feel like my anxiety now can’t be cured by medications or counseling. I’m just eternally and perpetually scared. I can’t even look at the pictures from when he was in the hospital because it hurts too much. He was in the NICU in Toledo. We haven’t been back to Toledo since and the thought of even making that drive, for any reason, fills me with panic. I have so much anger in me. My labor and delivery shouldn’t have been so traumatic. He shouldn’t have been injured. We missed out on so much time, so many precious moments. My family did too. And now with being quarantined to our homes, my family is losing even more time. I just feel like so much has been stolen from us. And I’m mad about it. My husband, the sweetest man in existence who is trying so hard to understand, just doesn’t. He tells me I have nothing to worry about. That there’s no reason to be scared. But I can think of every reason to be scared and I can’t stop it. I love my son so much and I’m truly grateful he is alive and happy and my smiley boy. He is the light of my life. But I feel so fearful. Fearful of what’s to come for him, how his injuries could affect him later in life. So I just want to know.. from anyone who has stood where I’m standing.. does it get better? Will I feel normal again? Will I be able to look at my son and feel complete joy instead of fear that something could be wrong? Is PTSD in NICU parents a thing? I just want to know that I’m not alone and that these are normal feelings.