Y’all. I cannot do this anymore. I hate pampers commercials, pregnancy announcements, being invited to baby showers, and even scrolling through Facebook. I don’t hate that good things are happening to people, I just hate that they aren’t happening to me too. I am so depressed. I went to the doctor, but I do not have the money to pay for all the tests they want to run just for a “maybe.” Plus, I think I’m scared of hearing the word “infertile” be confirmed, although it’s already listed as a diagnosis in my chart. I really wish I knew why mothers who abuse their children and don’t take care of them are able to have children and I can’t.

I really just don’t know how much longer I can deal with my failure.