Today I started my period. I have four kids I should be thankful that I have been blessed 4 times with beautiful children. I should be happy that I haven't encountered any losses like many other women have. I should be ashamed for wanting so badly for another when others can not have. However, I would be lying if I didnt say that this hurts. Taking a pregnancy test just 3 days before my period to start and get a negetive test. I figure maybe its still a little early only to start my period a few hours later. I would be lying if I didnt take another peek at the test almost an hour later hoping that maybe I missed the line. Maybe its there. I would be lying if I say I've never felt like my body is a complete failure. I know I have 4 I am happy that I have had the chance to birth 4 little humans into this world. Maybe I should be happy that at least now I wont have to worry about how I would get the proper care for a pregnancy during these trying times. But I would be lying if I said that it's okay. When in reality I want so badly to carry yet another child in my womb. To birth another little human. To breast feed. To change a dirty diaper. To love and to hold another little baby hand in mine. I am so sorry for those who have gone through so many losses. I can never begin to know the amount of pain and suffering you go through on a daily basis. You women are strong and I pray that this month is yours. I pray that you too will experience the birth of your own because all women deserve to be a mother. You all deserve to know love from the inside. I am so truly sorry and in his name I pray. Amen.