cheating-my fault?

My ex-boyfriend cheated on me multiple times and i never found out about it while in the relationship. his friends didn’t even tell me until i broke up with him-“bro code”. because i didn’t find out until i broke up with him, it was a peaceful breakup. he even told me he’ll always love me and that i’ll always have a “big part” of his heart, which i didn’t believe for a second. but anyway, the next day i found out and i texted him all this nasty stuff, and he sent it right back. but even still, he told me he loved me with everything and that i was his first love, which is clearly a lie, because you would never cheat on someone you loved. He didn’t directly say it, but he implied that everything was my fault because i wouldn’t open up to him like he wanted me to. i have depression, and it gets pretty bad some days, so i tried my best. and i explained everything and told him sorry over and over and that he deserved better. he’d always say i was perfect for him. but at the end of this bad conversation he told me that he tried and tried, and that i didn’t try that hard. we had a lot of problems, but that’s besides the point. i know it’s stupid to think this, but is it my fault? did i enable the cheating? i never thought so, until now. i blame myself for everything, and even though i hate his guts, i still have occasional dreams about him. if you have dealt with cheating, how long did it take for you to get over it? i know everyone heals at their own rates, but we were only together for 6 months. i feel like i shouldn’t get into another relationship because i’m not worth it/have bad depression episodes