Ok a little backstory...

I was sexually abused by an ex when I was 15. I was raped and exploited (he guilt tripped me into sending nudes and then he sent them to my entire school). This kid was also 15. This caused me to slip into terrible depression. I felt like I was forced to change schools because I couldn’t even face my peers. I’d grown up with these kids my entire life.

My depression kept getting worse and worse until I met my current boyfriend. I’m 18 now. He’s such a kind and caring person and he’s always been there for me no matter how difficult my depression made things. (I also have pretty bad anxiety)

My 6 year old boxer unexpectedly died of a heart attack in January of this year. I was (and still am) devastated. It’s been 3 months and I found it’s horrible living without a dog. Because of all this quarantine stuff I have so much more time alone with my thoughts. My boyfriend is also a healthcare worker so he’s gone at work a lot. I’d normally go to my boxer if I was sad or scared when my boyfriend was gone but I don’t have anyone to go to. I don’t feel like I can share my feelings with my parents because they don’t know what I feel like (I know for a fact because they had no clue what to do at the worst of my depression) and I just don’t like talking to them about feelings. My best friend is in Idaho for college and is stuck there because of Corona. I don’t have other friends I feel like I can talk to because of my anxiety. I also haven’t been eating very much. I used to eat a normal amount, but since all this quarantine stuff I barely eat. I’ve never had an eating disorder and I’m kind of afraid all of this stress of online school and grieving my dog will push me into a really bad place. Yes, my boyfriend knows exactly what I’m thinking and he agreed we need another dog. I just don’t know... I’m very scared.