Give up. RANT.

Depo free for 17 months (20 months since last shot), positive opk & af shows at predicted time every month (for the most part) for the last 15 months . Just tested w/ fmu frer at 10dpo & negative not even the faintest line. I’m so tired of taking opk , I’m so tired of getting my hopes up every single month & convincing myself I have symptoms that I probably don’t. I already have such a low sex drive & I still bd as much as possible because I’m so desperate for a baby. This is miserable. I can’t get tested for anything cause I’m not 24 months depo free + my age they say. so it’s like I’m trying every month for what? Something could be wrong ? Am I wasting my time ? If I was warned about the depo ahead of time i would’ve never been on it , unfortunately I was put on it as a minor & loved the thought of no af , I was on it for 5 years . I know I haven’t been trying as long as other people , those people still trying are so strong . I’m not asking for attention, I just need to express my anger to people who understand.. baby dust to every single one of you , I’m so proud of all of you who’re strong enough to keep ttc , but I think I’m taking a break for a while.