***Might be long, if you want to just give a resource scroll to last 2 paragraphs***

Ok. I have been with my husband 8 years, married 2. Even before we got married he had a problem. We were a lot younger tho. So I drank a lot too. But we would still fight about it because I would come home from work and he would already be hammered sometimes. When we drank together he would get falling over drunk. His friends make jokes about his drinking because he can never just "have a beer" it literally has be like 18+++++ beers.

So basically we have been fighting over this on and off for 4 years, since we moved out of our parents house. We're 26 and 27 now.

Now we have a son that is 9 months old. When I was pregnant I would cry and beg him to stop drinking so much. When I was 9 months pregnant and knew I could pop anyway I would beg him to stop getting drunk because what if he needs to drive me to the hospital. He got hammered the night before my water broke. Passed out drunk. Thankfully got enough sleep before then. But was sick because of it at the hospital.

He has promised to stop countless times. Literally. Over the last so many years. I can't tell you how many times he said he would slow down and blah blah. It lasts for about a week and gets bad again.

Don't say leave. I will eventually if I have too and I am very close to that point... But I love him. He's is a great man. He's what someone would probably call a high functioning alcoholic... I want to help him. I took those vows.

Fast forward to now, obviously since my son was born I'm over it. We fight constantly about it. Yesterday, I went on a hike with my sisters and called him afterwards to see if he wanted me to stop and get us lunch. He is with our son. And he was SOOOOOO messed up on the phone. He SWEARS he hasn't drank a drop. I get home and see the car seat has moved and ask him again. He then admits his lies and says he has. He's so drunk he passed out for like 3 hours. Then he leaves because I'm pissed he did that while with our son. Comes back at 10 at night super drunk after driving our brand new truck. He lies to be constantly about how much he drinks. Last week I found a stash of Mike's hard liquor, like 10 empty cans he hid in our truck.

He doesn't drink a little. He drinks 8 beers as the minimum on a normal week day. Sometimes less but that's the norm... As you can imagine how much he drinks to get drunk. Like 18 but I'm sure more. I don't really know how much...

Right now, I'm looking for some type of support. I'm an introvert in a way. I don't want to get personal on the phone and in person. I've been searching the internet for online groups or online email or just someone I can advice from professionally. I want to help. He left again today mad at me again because I asked him to not get drunk today. I will talk on the phone or whatever if I have too. But this is such a personal thing it's hard for me to talk to anyone. No one's outside of me or him knows what's going on... But I need some sort of help and guidance. I'm hoping someone has something because I can't find anything.. someone has to have experience with this sort of thing.

That was my venting too. Anonymous for obvious reasons... Don't comment if your only thing is to leave. I can support myself and can if I need too. But, I want to help my husband. Thank you.