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I would try to have a conversation with him about your concerns. Being a parent is hard enough, couldn’t imagine how difficult it is being a “single” parent. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Am I overreacting?
Anytime I ask my husband to watch our daughter he does a half ass job. Whenever she’s on my watch I am actively watching her and interacting with her. He never has to worry about her when she’s with me. If I am trying to get ready for the day, or do dishes, or cook... literally EVERY single time I ask him to watch her he’ll take her and put her in her pack n play which my daughter hates, so then it will lead to her screaming and crying until someone takes her out. I can’t relax because I don’t like hearing my baby cry. I constantly check on her while he’s “watching” her, because there’s been so many times when he was incharge of watching her and she has come close to hurting herself. For example...one time I guess the baby gate didn’t close all the way (we have one with a hinge, so it open and closes like a door) and she crawled passed it and crawled up half of the stairs!!!!! He didn’t even notice until I asked him if he had an eye on her and then he noticed and ran up and got her. Thank goodness she is a good crawler, but if she would have fell down those stairs, who knows what would have happened. When I am watching her I let her explore and roam around because she’s curious and I want her to explore, if she’s ever in danger, I’m RIGHT there to prevent anything from happening. Ever since the stair incident he just throws her in the pack n play. I just don’t understand why he can’t be more hands on with her, in my opinion this is such a fun age. She is SO curious and wants to learn about the world, he’s missing out on a lot bonding time I feel like. Everyone always comments on how much of a “mamas girl” my daughter is and I truly believe it’s because I am in a sense a “better parent.” I essentially am the one who takes care of her. It’s like 70% of the time it’s me, 15% is my husband, and then the rest is my incredible sitter! I know as a mother it’s mostly instincts, but I honestly feel like my husband doesn’t even try. He just always says that I “baby” her too much and that’s why she prefers me over him.. but I don’t believe there is such thing as “babying a baby,” there are some things I will let my daughter cry out...but to me it’s unacceptable to ignore her and put her in the pack n play knowing that she hates it, just so he can watch a show or play a game. Whenever I bring it up we just get into a big fight because we cannot agree on how to parent our daughter. We were both raised very differently. I had a rather good and wholesome childhood, and his was just absolutely terrible for most it. Im just so frustrated, it’s affecting our marriage A LOT... can anyone relate what I’m going through? 😣
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First off, I completely understand how you feel. My sons bio dad did NOTHING. He was worthless and I took care of my son 100% while he said he was too busy or too tired. Second, I don’t think you should be monitoring your husband while he’s watching her. I think for you to stop doing that, you guys need to have a sit down conversation about everything. It’s not okay that he’s not watching her but you shouldn’t be watching him watch her. He’s probably feels inadequate if you are babysitting him while he’s watching her. It’s no excuse to neglect watching your baby but it could be why he’s struggling to watch her better. Both parents should be watching the child and the other should just know to watch the baby when one is busy and can’t. I just think you both need more communication. I’m sorry it’s hurting your marriage and I hope you guys can fix it by always communicating.
Ma
That is good advice! Thank you!
I could have wrote thus myself. It’s so frustrating and I understand your feelings. It’s really hard but I try to just walk away when I ask him to watch our daughter. Although I don’t want her to get hurt I feel like that’s what it will take for him to understand. I took down the play pen for cleaning and “forgot” to put it back up and he’s lazy so I knew he wouldn’t. We ended up getting a play yard and he’s started sitting in it with her to play. I feel that’s made a difference for us. We don’t let her roam free because we have porcelain tile, our dog is shedding like crazy. and she wants to climb everything. I pray thins will get better with time!!
Ma
Thank you💞
I cant relate girl. My husband is the same. I had to quit my job because he couldn't watch her on his day off. This one time I was at work for 2 hours and then I get a call saying to get home now. I had to explain to him 12 times that I just cant leave work ( I ended up leaving). He never feeds her, changes her, plays with her or helps me around the house. I never wanted to be a SAHM. He also works graveyards (6pm-6am) so by the time I'm able to start to clean our 11m olds mess it's already 10. I go to sleep around 1-2 am and wake up at 6. It's hard for us "single" moms
Ma
Yeah exactly all of our family lives about 2 hours away so it was mostly me doing everything before and after I gave birth. When I got discharged we went to the store the day after and I was walking around for around an hour with him obviously in pain. And about a month after my mom and grandma came to visit and he didn't want to come out of the room so i had to cook with the baby in my arms
Ma
Props to the single moms out there that do it on their own. Seriously, because I do kind of feel like a single parent, but I feel like if I truly was a single mom, it would be a tiny bit less stressful because I don’t have that expectation for help from my partner, you know? I just don’t understand how he can be okay with just ignoring her and letting her cry. 😔 A part of me would love to have another child, but it sucks that my husband isn’t very helpful or supportive. There’s no way I could raise two kids “on my own”
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