I had fucking cancer, right, I was 15, I did that, done. While an amazing experience that molded me a shit ton, it was still shitty as fuck. Because of it, I lost my bestfriend, someone who shaved her head for me, who I thought would be in my life forever. Long story short, as a couple of 15 year old girls we didn't realize the strain it would put on our relationship, getting out of cancer, she was kind of shitty to me, mostly unintentionally, we came out of it different people, it happens. I needed her and she wasn't there and that was a punch in the gut. Then, I get a boyfriend, someone i love so so much, and yay! Amazing! But not!!! Because my mom doesn't like him because he won't introduce me to his (abusive) parents, something I explained to her. It's stressful, she suspects I'm lying and a sexual deviant, makes me feel awful about my sexuality, which strains my relationship with my boyfriend and now I have these invasive anxiety inducing memories of my mom making me prove to her I was wearing underwear, telling me that "she doesn't like that boy," and that I "need to prove to her that he loves me," which is a fuckin, impossible task first of all, and it sucks, so I can barely stand my mom being in the same room as me because of the trauma that exists, that she fails to recognize. My wonderful boy? He's still wonderful, but he doesn't know what is going on in his life right now, we were together three years, he is my bestfriend, and we haven't talked to each other for two months because he fucked things up, got involved with another girl and is trying to sort out himself (that doesn't mean he's just dating her right now, that means he's actually taking time for himself, believe me, I know this person.) My therapist isn't helpful, and no one knows what to say. I have so much shit, I'm 20 now and I'm just like, what the fuck??? It was supposed to be all roses after I had cancer, BECAUSE THAT FUCKING SUCKS, but everything still fucking sucks and it sucks worse now than it did when it was supposed to suck the worst. I'm sick of hearing the, "you'll find someone else!!!!" advice. I hate that advice so fucking much, that isn't the issue, the issue is that I hurt you know, I dont want to just find someone to fix me. I have a broken heart, and it's broken because of a lot of people. And none of them are just, going to be replaced or one upped. I just needed to rant about the suckiness of everything, because I feel really hurt, and I don't feel like my therapist is helping so much as she's just going "that sounds really painful," but it's fair, because I don't know what I need for help so I'm just out here floating, t h a n k y o u for listening to the šhīť of my life while we're all going through shit and it might all seem trite. Thank you.