christmas 2017 i went to my uncle ronnies house for the holiday & spent most of my time talking to my uncle not knowing it was the last conversation we’d ever have.

february 2018 he died very suddenly at 52 & when i tell you i was traumatized... i still remember the phone call. we eventually found out a blood clot dislodged from his knee & went to his brain while he was asleep. that hurts different.

so i have hated christmas since... it kills me, every time. i hate that i didn’t call him more or text him, i hate that i didn’t know.

around christmas 2019 my fiancé and i were ttc & i wanted a baby so badly. dec 24&25 i get vvvfl so i take a FRER on dec 26 & it’s a vvfl but i started spotting & i knew it was a chemical.

so christmas sucks x2, right?

well i didn’t realize my period was late & 5 days after it wasnt here i took a test & it was positive. my EDD is december 18, 2020. i am so shocked and happy. i’m so grateful my holidays now have some happiness.

nothing will take away the pain of a loss. but this sure as hell makes me smile again💛