Three years ago I had an ectopic in a previous relationship but managed to save both tubes. Fast forward to a year and a half ago with my current boyfriend and I experienced my first early MC at around 5.5 weeks.

It took a year and a half but a little over a week ago I finally got my bfp though it was very faint. My doctor wasn’t making pregnancy confirmation appointments due to the pandemic so I scheduled my 8 week ultrasound for mid May. They estimated I’m about 5 weeks although last month my period was three days early and a lot lighter than usual so I’m not really sure how far along I am.

Yesterday I started spotting light brown with little bits of clots in them. I immediately started freaking out with worry because this is exactly how my last MC started. Went to bed worried and woke up this morning with my undies soaked with dark red thick blood.

I went to the doctor but they said it’s too early to scan so they drew blood to test my hcg levels and I’ll go back in two days to take it again.

I’m absolutely heartbroken. I’m 33 years old, no kids and i want to be a mama more than anything. A part of me wants to hope that it’ll be ok but I can’t help but feel like the victim of some cruel joke. Why would God give me the joy of thinking I’d finally be a mother so many times just to rip it away.

I thought for sure I’d finally have my rainbow baby this time. I feel so broken and I’m terrified there’s something wrong with me. 💔