What is love?


Let me preface. I’m 19 and I turn 20 in two months. And I’ve always believed that you have to work to make a relationship work. I know that no relationship is perfect, but I’ve also always been quick to become emotionally attached. I’ve never experienced the whole dating scene because when a relationship ends for me, I find myself in another one soon after (or at least invested in another person after). Also, my SHORTEST relationship was 10 months.

Continuing on, I’m in a relationship with someone I do love. And I’ve always been able to overlook certain things, and we have good communication and everything. But the thing is that an “incident” happened a few days ago. This incident made everything, all my insecurities about him and our relationship, jump to the front of my mind. And I worry because I want to be able to trust and depend on him for our future. I’ve had to work my ass off for everything I have, and he just... doesn’t have that work ethic and motivation.

I love him, I really do. And he’s done a lot to help me love myself. But part of me feels like I’m only with him NOW because I’m so eager to start a family after I graduate college. I love him so much, and we’re engaged, but right now, I just can’t imagine marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him. But I don’t want to leave and then look back and realized that I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. I also heavily fear that I would never be able to find someone else who enjoys the things I do.

I love to read and I read a lot of romances. And I feel like none of those relationships exist. Essentially, my problem is that I don’t know if my expectations are too high or too low. I would really like some insight from someone older and wiser than me that is unbiased (unlike my family). So please, tell me anything, ask questions. I really need advice, now more than ever.