My partner and I have been together around a year. I love this man and really do want a future with him but I feel so unloved by him sometimes. We are long distance so half our relationship tends to be snapchat/messaging and most the time he’s very sweet and tells me he loves me and is incredibly affectionate and expresses a lot of love and appreciation for me. He has also said that he thinks I’m a better partner than he is and he doesn’t deserve me for all my kindness. That he wants to do the same For me but doesn’t know how. We have talked about officially moving in together and wanting children in a few years.

But in person he isn’t as emotionally affectionate. He bags me out over every little thing jokingly and makes racist jokes (I’m an aboriginal Australian but very pale). A few nights ago I was tired and had a migraine so I ended up upset and crying and he both hugged and kissed me but also made extra horrid racist jokes that further upset me even though it was obviously upsetting me.

I cook and clean and do laundry and he doesn’t do any domestic chores. The entire relationship he’s cooked for me once. I make sure he feels loved and appreciated but he never seems to put in any effort.

I don’t know if he just struggles to express that kind of affection in person or something but I don’t know if I’m overreacting being so upset.

What do I do?