“Typing Out Loud”

So I just kinda recently realized and accepted fully the fact that I find the most enjoyment out of sexual activities when my own personal kinks are played out that some would find “wrong” or whatnot.

Luckily I have a 7 year relationship so I’m not worried about not feeling safe or judged. We’ve already incorporated into our sex life when our relationship was thriving. It’s been on the bend for a few years actually due to my own personal mental health issues but just recently we are reconnecting and finding out how much we love each other again. Anyway.... some of my “concerns” to be honest are:

1. I guess I feel more like maybe I’m not that extreme and kidding myself. Maybe even not right for the BDSM community? Idk it’s hard to explain. Like I’m a “poser” (oh man, High school scene/emo kid days for those that catch my drift 💗)

I guess I’m thinking of it as an exclusive club while the things I’ve been reading always reiterate different forms of play and enjoyment in BDSM differ for everyone, just like everything else in life honestly. There’s no real rules about what you like. (Not talking about consent. Consent is always a rule. Always. If you like sexually violating someone non-consensually obviously this is very sick/taboo and absolutely unrelated to the true BDSM relationship and bond behind it.)

I sound like I’m explaining to someone what it is but I think it’s more to myself and would like some validation from others just because it’s different and not everyone understands obviously.

And the even more important one I’m just realizing and educating myself on is

2. Trying to get past the mental block grained into our brains by society that it’s anti-feminism/abusive/emotionally unstable, so I am slightly struggling with this and I’m mostly just trying to understand it and learn about it because I’m a proud, “angry” 😉😆feminist, yet I like being a sub. So some of the stuff I’ve learned is it’s actually very empowering and can make serious relationships take on a whole new level of trust and love. I also read an article where they said in reality the sub is in charge because they are the one who sets their limit and the dom has to respect that. So I’m reading all this stuff about that for the first time ever.

Hmm. This post is basically a mindless rant that’s probably all over the place and not making sense to anyone. I should’ve written in my journal. But like I said I just want to “hear” some support and validation or any other opinions about how it is not degrading nor does it mean I believe females are inferior to males in some subconscious way.

Sorry all 😆🖤