Hey ladies. I could really use some kind words right now ❤ We've been trying for two years. 18 months in found out our issue was my husband's sperm. The fertility clinic said it would be a miracle for us to get pregnant on our own, so we tried <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. First round wasn't successful. Found out that piece of news on Thanksgiving day. For the second round, I went through a lot to get to the clinic before Europe shutdown due to Corona. Found out we were pregnant on April 1st, only to have a miscarriage 2 days later. It feel like a horrible joke. Once our tiny angel came out, we buried it under a flower in our garden to try to have some peace. We had sent gifts to my parents as a surprise, which was too soon. They got the gifts hours before I miscarried. We were about to tell my husband's parents, but decided to go and visit them, but that didn't end up happening. In a way, I'm glad we didn't. In another ways, I wish we had.

I am okay some days, but here and there something happens and I just break down. Like today, I was watching "Julie & Julia". There's a moment when Julia's sister writes her and tells her she's pregnant. Julia is happy for her, but breaks down crying. Even though I don't have a sister, I know how that moment feels...I felt it with my closest friends more than once. I broke down. What if we never have children? We have so much love to give. What if adoption is out of reach, because it's too expensive?

Now I feel like with all the restrictions in place, we won't be able to try again for a while 😔 I just turned 32, and I feel like I'm running out of time. This may sound dramatic, but it feels like the universe doesn't want us to have kids.

It's starting to affect my marriage, and I'm losing hope. I always thought I would have had all my kids by the time I was 30. I can't even imagine what my husband feels. My heart is broken.