I’ve been silently struggling with depression and anxiety and I’ve learnt to hide it very easily as I’ve had it for a while. I did get really bad a few years ago and had suicidal thoughts but it got better and now it’s getting worse since the lockdowns have started I can’t ignore it and hide it anyone. I cant speak to my family about it as they’ve made negative comments about other family members struggling with similar issues and just don’t understand it even when they had tried to explain a little. I get criticised for everything I’m doing by my family I’m in lockdown with and I’m staying in my room at lot more than normal as I get sudden waves when my emotions get too much and I just cry for ages on and off all day. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because everything was too overwhelming and had the fifth breakdown since the lockdown but we didn’t talk about the issues properly so it’s a bit unresolved. I didn’t feel I have been myself for months and I felt couldn’t control what I was saying or doing. I broke up with my boyfriend a while after his nan passed and I felt awful because of the timing but I still love him and want to be with him and I don’t know what to do. He had been making my depression and anxiety worse and harder to cope with but he always had stuff going on that and didn’t want anymore stress on top of it so I never told him about how I was struggling. He’d take out his stress on me very often and accused me of cheating and trying to flirt with loads of guys and other stuff to just put me down and I ended up questioning and worrying everything I did and said. I really want to get back with him because we had such a good relationship but he made me feel so bad about myself at the same time. I don’t really know what to do and I know I need to talk to him but it’s like something is stopping me