I’m (actually we) trying to help a workbuddy who is in an out of control family’s situation, which has to be stopped...

We have this WhatsApp group for our specific department and we pretty much talk about all kinds of things on there... We started noticing after a while that one of our co-workers was getting absent and not responding if we needed him, esspecially in this covid19 situation going on around the world. We got annoyed and so eventually I was the one who had to confront him why he was being that way. Then he confessed that his wife likes to check his phone, because she gets jaelous when he’s talking with female coworkers. And then he started confessing everything to me... He won’t check his phone before 10pm after his wife is asleep and if he does check before that time, he checks at specific times so he knows if his wife has checked or not.

It wasn’t just that, he continued his story:

“She has a very hard and determined mindset since the first time I met 22 years ago, but it became much worse after she did infidelity and became chronically ill afterwards. She’s taking all kinds of meds now for her depression. She calls where ever I am, sometimes uses the kids to do that, she even controls my social media and deletes things she thinks is inappropriate to share like personal statuses and even family pics, I eventually deleted my Facebook because of that... but I think I have to thank myself for her being like that, because I eventually cheated on her as well afterwards, because I got so sick of her actions. Every time I want to leave her she curses and threats committing suicide. Now I decided just to stay but just for the kids. I’m trying to avoid her as much as possible. We still sleep in the same bed so that the kids won’t ask why, but I’m dying inside...”

He once showed up at my door when his wife threatened to do suicide again, crying, shaking, mumbling couldn’t understand even a word he said... then I calmed him down and he went back home. I just can’t imagine what their kids are going through at home now that everyone is in quarantine...he says his kids don’t know, but I don’t believe him.

This is way out of control! Need some advice on how they can handle this situation. I’m not sure if it will help if they both need to go through therapy or some sort of couple counselling since he actually wants to leave her, there are threats of suicide, he’s scared she’ll actually do it, but yes she definitely needs to see a psychologist. The kids need to be in a safe place...

Any other advice much appreciated!

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