Broken man

I'm with a man who has been heartbroken. He requires roughness like choking and grabbing and hitting his shoulder and arms to get turned on or pleasure during sex.Can anyone recommend ways i can soften him up or any strategies i can use? No negativity please. He was never abused or anything.He's scared to let me in intimately and romantically when we try i cant tell he feels afraid. Im tryn. He was hurt by his ex wife in the past.