I'll try to make this short. My husband and I are going through a rough patch and I have no clue how to get out of it. To be clear, this pandemic didn't cause any of it, but it damn sure didn't help. Talking to him only results in me feeling worse and pretty much taking on all the blame for everything that's wrong, even when I know I'm not.

Now, I'll tell you about last night's episode.... We were watching TV as usual and I got up to change for bed. I had showered about an hour earlier so I just had to change into my pajamas. I had on these nice, spandex type panties but I'm kinda blessed in the booty department so those are always stuck up my butt, and uncomfortable to sleep in. I also made a habit of sleeping in underwear that allows my body to breathe properly, like cotton.

Anyway, as I come out of the bathroom he noticed that I had changed, he raised my nightgown and said "oh, you changed your panties". I say yes, they're uncomfortable to sleep in and these are my "go to bed" pair. His response " so the ones you had on were your , go outside and look for dick pair?" 🤨.

I knew where this was going so I just shook my head and refocused on the TV. He wasn't done though so he then asked "what about a I want to entice my husband pair, do you have any of those"? My response was" yes, but again, those aren't comfortable or healthy to sleep in and I'm exhausted from cooking, cleaning, working and homeschooling our 5 children. My sinuses are acting up and I'm in pain so I would really like to call it a night".

He comes really close to my ear and said "it's your energy, your energy. If you think i act like i don't want you, it's because of you".

About 10 mins later he starts putting his hand up my nightgown, grabbing on me, trying to pull my closer to him. Now after what he said earlier, I really wasn't interested in any kind of sex with him, plus I was legit tired and really just wanted to be left alone. I spent years giving my body even when I didn't want to, just to please a man and keep the peace. When I got out of that marriage and married who I thought was my best friend, I made a vow to never do that again. In fact, he assured me that he would never force me. However, lately that's been our life. He'd disrespect me, saying really hurtful things, then turn around and expect intimacy. He would get even worse when I deny him.

This is just one of many incidents and I promised I'd make it short so I'd stop here. I do love him, he has some good qualities at times, but I don't like him anymore. I'm happy when he's at work and I enjoy spending time away from him. I'm not interested in another man, I'm just not feeling this anymore. I'm not in love with him and I wish I was but too much has happened, too much is still happening, especially the disrespect. This was a man who'd take me to another room so our family didn't know we were arguing but now, he says whatever in front of everyone, including our kids. The respect is gone, the love is gone 🤷🏽‍♀️.