I’m real drunk

I just wanna vent bc I have no one to go to, why is it that i ruin shit in my life why do I push myself away from my beautiful bf that just be wanting to love me why am I constantly depressed and hate myself so much for it, why do I hate everything about me, I wish I was normal I wish I could love myself, even at my old job I was garbage I didnt have ambition I didn’t even have motivation I try so hard to eat healthy and workout but some days I just fucking hate myself I go to therapy but damn it feels like I’m still falling apart, I hate my dad, I hate my body, I’m great full for my mom and my home and food and even being able to type this right here and be at home but fuck my Brain feels like it’s constantly agents me, I just wanna be free and happy I’m sorry for this negative ass post I just really wanted to just vent