I just shared my story with y’all which I’m so proud of myself for being able to do because that’s not an easy thing to talk about especially since it’s still for me so fresh.

Tonight My dad and I watched a youtuber Lance210 propose to his gf and I started crying ugly tears and my dad asked me why I was crying. I wasn’t crying because how cute it was or any of that it was the fact I feel like I will never get proposed to and the fact I never want to fall in love again because I never want to get abused again. What I went through shattered me into an infinite amount of pieces and I can’t go through that again... I loved my ex so freaking much, I made so many excuses for him abusing me because I loved him and I don’t think I will ever be okay or healed from what he and his dad did to me...

As a young girl you dream and plan what you want your wedding to be like and your husband to be like and then going through domestic violence and sexual assault and other forms of abuse, it changes that completely and makes you never want to put yourself in that situation again and never be in love because you don’t want to go through anything like that again.

This wasn’t my first time being abused or sexually assaulted. I was abused my whole childhood by my mom and ex step mom and in 2016 I was sexually assaulted by two guys and got pregnant and had a miscarriage.

I want to find the one and get married and have a kid but at the same time I never want to go through what I just went through with my ex and his dad...