Well, I got married in 2015 at 18 years old. We started trying to get pregnant that same year. I got my nexplanon out and just tried starting on March 10, 2015. I had always had irregular cycles. They were more regular when I was a teenager and hadn’t been as heavy as I have been as an adult but I was never really educated by my mother on what was regular and not regular so if I went three or four months without a period I never thought to mention it. I had a lot of unprotected sex between 16 and 17 and nothing ever happened, pregnancy scare wise anyways.

I remember thinking when we started trying that I couldn’t imagine it taking a year. I couldn’t imagine it taking 2 years. I even remember thinking that I knew in my heart that 5 years from 2015 I’d already be a mom.

Ha.

Not the case.

I was diagnosed with PCOS with insulin resistance not long after. Defeated, I started taking a prenatal and folate, later I switched my prenatal for Geritol. While on keto I would lose weight and my periods would become more regular. Still nothing.

My husband has a semen analysis and it came back abnormal, but still capable. He just needs to take a vitamin and he’s good. I don’t ovulate, as most women don’t with PCOS.

In 2015 I bought a baby book, I wanted to go ahead and buy things so that we would have them when I did get pregnant. Ha.

I have written in it every year, talking to “baby” about how hard we are trying for it. That Mommy and Daddy love it so very much already, and I’ll continue to write.

Fast forward to 2020, 5 whole years later. No kids. But, I am in college studying biology. I don’t think about trying to conceive (ttc) anymore really. It something I’ve decided would be future me’s problem. I have devoted myself instead to my studies and on getting to and maintaining a healthy weight.

With PCOS I have gained weight, to about 290 and I have had a endocrinologist tell me that he can get me pregnant no issue if I get my weight down to 250.

I got down to 255 and then blew it. Maybe I thought if I sabotaged myself I would be able to wallow in my self pity longer. I don’t know why I suddenly have the need to be back in this community like I was in 2015. I don’t need to buy $1 pregnancy tests in bulk anymore. Just to see them so negative it hurts, to post on here and have that one person say they might see something. They don’t.

I meet so many people, usually older people, who say that it’ll happen when you least expect it. That is such a slap in the face to people like me. I want to reach over and grab them and sit them down and give them a lesson on how insensitive it is to say that to a woman knowing nothing about the issues.

But.

I wouldn’t, they don’t mean to be ugly. They didn’t have issues like this.

I think I might try again. Like really try. Really work hard to get my body where it needs to be to get pregnant.

By no means do I think I’ll be cooing down the baby isle anytime soon.

I’m not even sure that I really want it the way I did before but I don’t not want it so, here we go.

Thanks 🖤