Sorry this is long....

My MIL has offered a few times to be my birth partner which is a big No no for me as I just want my husband there only!

She treats him like a baby and she told me many times that women have to do it all on their own and not to expect too much of him as he will get too stressed.

It really annoys me as he is good when he wants to and helps around the house.

He just hates cooking so I do most of it and when I was working and coming home later than him his mom used to bring around some food once a week which I was very very grateful for!

MIL has offered to help us out once the baby arrives but honestly I do not want her to stay here too much because she's going to end up doing all of his jobs and spoiling him so that when she's not here I have to do it all!

I will try to speak to her respectfully, be honest and hope she will understand the type of help I want.

I just have different hygienic rules and I'm not always happy with how she cleans so I rather do it myself or my husband which is like me. (she rinses dishes w/o soap and puts them on the dirty sink to dry.. We have a dishwasher !, she used the kitchen sponge to clean a stain on the bathroom floor! She cleaned the litter tray and went straight to make tea w/o washing hands!....)

It will be nice for her to cook for us and bring some food over but there is an issue....

I just hate her cooking, it's so different to what I'm used to and she never makes anything that I like. I told her sometimes that I didn't have any as I had other things to eat and I always tell her if there is something that I like but she never makes it again! She always tries to make Italian food as she knows I like it but it's always horrible. I bought her a recipe book too but she never made anything from it. She just has her twist on every classic and manages to make it nasty, no flavour, overcooked, no spices or salt. And lately she's been obsessed with vegan /vegeterian food which I'm OK with, but it's not nice!

She makes this vegetable stew which looks horrendous and even my husband doesn't like, I just secretly add salt, butter and cheese and then I can manage.

I just don't know what to do as I don't have any family and she's the only help we've got.i know that it's going to be very very tough when the baby arrives and we will need her help!

I don't want to be rude or ungrateful but I'd like her to help only if we struggle and I'd like her to bring some food over that I actually like. How do I tell her?