1 year old still won’t sleep through the night and i’m sick of it.

title pretty much says it all. he wakes up 100 fucking times a night crying. he wants to breastfeed. i try to make him go to sleep again without it. sometimes i give in. i’m living with someone else right now, i was on my own until this pandemic. point being, letting him scream and cry all night isn’t an option, even though i wish to god i could just put him in his crib, go to sleep and ignore him when he wakes up. seriously.

also, yeah he wakes up like this SLEEPING WITH ME!!! i don’t even want to imagine if i put him in his crib. literally fucking ridiculous. when he was first born he slowly slept more and more through the night as he got older until he did completely, in his crib. then he just never did again.

i don’t know what more i can do honestly. i’m exhausted. beyond exhausted. i cry every single night from frustration. i just want to scream at him to shut up and sleep. and then i have no energy the next day to take care of him, and am frustrated from literally first thing in the morning all the way until bed time.

i hardly play with him anymore, i don’t have the energy. i don’t have the energy to cook for myself or eat. i have such a short temper with him now. i tell over everything. we’re both constantly in a bad mood because of this.

something has got to change. i’m a happy person and he’s a happy baby. but i need my fucking sleep back i’m tired of this!!!!!! he’s a year old!! and i’ve done this every single night and day by myself! i’m typing this at 6AM after he just woke up YET AGAIN crying relentlessly and me SHHHHing for about 5 minutes until yelling at him to go back to sleep. finally let him breastfeed. he’s asleep.

please help for the love of god. i need advice.

edit: i’m not mad AT my baby for not sleeping through the night. i simply am exhausted and have been running on little to no sleep for a full year and am irritable. i obviously included that on purpose to hopefully show how desperate and frustrated i am. i know i don’t “need” to get mad at him. i get angry for no reason now. because i literally never get a break. not even naps, he sleeps on me in a rocking chair during nap time. 24/7 job for a year with no break takes a toll on you.