hi darlings, first of all baby dust to all of you, i hope your dreams come true!

i want some advice/some clue, normal i had a 28 - 31 days cycle, since ive stopped the pill, it came regular at 28 days, me and my husband ttc for 3 years btw and to describe my cycle, about a week before aunt flow comes, i get some cramps just two or three days during my ovulation, backpaines, sometimes migraine, and the day aunt flo kicks in, everything is gone just some mild cramps. now this month we went to work with a different mentality, more structured, more fun, more positions and new the legg up after dancing. now for the first time in all this 3 years after my fertile window and the dancing, i feel off, some more symptoms, feels like my body is working very differently, also my mood, normal like this week i get so cranky, angry, irritated and this time not. according to glow im now 11dpo and in 3 days aunt flo should visit, because i feel so different i took a test today 3 days before auntie, and its negative. is it to early to test? can i still have a chance this month? Also im a little havier, and scared my weight is the case of not concieving, (thats what i think) the doctors i have, are basically not helping at all, because the research they do is in my healthinsurrance packet, free but known its very expensive. so they try to dotch everyone. only had an echo and everything looked fine.

when i talk to my husband, how motivated, and loving he becomes this time around ovulation, gives me serious heartaches, because hes so happy to ttc and so desperatly want a baby of his, and i am scared i cant give it to him. How much i love him, just the looks he give me during these times, i cry so much because i cant* make him happy, and it hurts me bad. because i love him so soo much, and his love feels like i dont deserve it.

anyone feels the same? in this time of corona i dont have many people around me, and im seriously aching, and desperate. i need some advice, and maybe some tips?

*scared i cant concieve at all.

ps: im not english, im dutch, so im sorry for my bad english!