I freaked with line eyes

Guys.. I’m so fuckin fragile and I’m so mad that I am.

Today, well like an hour ago, I tried to itch my nipple. It hurt. It never hurts. I always itch. The last time it hurt was when I was pregnant. Well, because I’m 3 days before flo comes I’m like, you know... it won’t hurt. What a crock of shit. I got line eyes, convinced myself I could see it, and started bawling. This was the 1st month since we started trying that I tried to not care. Not pay attention to cycle days. Just sleep with my husband. I stopped trying to open this damn app, stopped trying to log everything and have sex on a schedule... etc.

Lost a baby in December right after Xmas and ruined my New Year’s eve/day as I was just bawling and bleeding. My heart is still broken. Would have given birth in about 3 mo. But my body had to expel the baby I wanted so much.

So this was my stress free month.

I’m supposed to not care. But I care so much. I just, feel like a failure. I just know, I’m going to drive to a store in the am, but 4 different boxes with 3 tests in it, to be disappointed. I know it’s line eyes. So why is my body so sensitive?! Cuz it wants to eff with me.

I literally just wanted to rant. Maybe learn how others ended up relaxing and what pills to take to let all my eggs out at once so that when my husband can come it’s actually worth while.

I know this is a negative rant. I just don’t want to be talked to as if it is going to happen or that I should feel better because of this this or this. Reality is... it may not. And that’s going to be sad. And it’s ok for me to be angry and sad about it. If I could control it, I would. For now, can I just have help being angry? 😔 no positive uplifting talk. Just let me know I’m not alone in being angry or sad?