This is probably going to be long-winded, but opinions are welcome...

Back story.

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 21. I have many of the symptoms, all of which I handle with a grain of salt because what else can I do?.

All expect the Very irregular periods. Because the very irregular periods for me meant no ovulation. And no ovulation meant hard to impossible to conceive. This was hard to hear even young because I knew even as a teen I wanted to be a mom.

Fast forward some years my partner and I tried 7 years to conceive. We then went through 6 months of fertility medicine. It made me Soo sick. It made me crazy. And all for nothing. Not even one pregnancy.

I went into a year of very deep depression. The most important part of my life was taken from me. My goals and views of life were taken. I needed to find a different image of what my life might mean without children. Just when I thought I had a handle of what it might mean to have no kids... I found out I was pregnant! I cannot begin to explain the over whelming joy. I was living a miracle. Even my doctor shared her surprise!

And to date I have a healthy 8 months old baby boy named Weston. He is my pride and joy and fills my heart with such love I can't explain it in words.

And yet... Here is the BUT

I've already found myself sad at the irregular periods again. I've already caught myself falling in disappointed from a negative pregnancy test after three months missed periods...

Why can't a just be content with my one miracle baby? Why after being gifted my son after so long do I go and find myself sad at the thought of no more children. Of no siblings for my boy... Why do I have to live the disappointment of negative pregnancy tests and hopes of the the next months cycles ALL over again....

Please. Words of wisdom are needed. I've been given my gift already why can't I be content?