My husband and I have been together six years, married for three. We have a one year old daughter, and have owned our own house for about four years. When it was just two of us, we would spend time together fairly often. We’d have date nights, go out on weekends, etc. Sometimes we’d have to put aside an evening or weekend for yard work, whatever. But it was pretty well balanced. Since our daughter was born, however, we spend virtually no time together. Before quarantine, we’d have a date night maybe once a month, if that. Now we haven’t had a date night since January. When our daughter was younger and not doing much yet, he was mostly uninvolved (I’m a SAHM). He’d spend time with her occasionally, but not a lot. Now she’s older, walking, climbing on everything, trying to learn some words, etc. He spends a little more time with her now than he used to, but it’s still maybe only ten minutes at a time. As soon as she goes down for a nap, he goes to play games. I’m currently pregnant again, so I’ve been napping when our daughter naps, or otherwise trying to relax for moment. For the most part we have different taste in movies and TV, so we rarely watch things in the same room.

Then this weekend was the holiday weekend, and he had three days off. The weather was actually looking good for a change (after a late spring arrival and literally weeks of rain and unseasonably cold days). I asked him if we could go as a family to one of the local state parks, to walk a trail with our daughter (she loves walks). But apparently he had booked up the entire weekend with yard work he wanted to do. He’s also been working on these yard projects every evening the weather has allowed for the last two weeks. Meanwhile I’ve been with our daughter nonstop and spent no time as a family. He wouldn’t even compromise on spending half a day out, saying the work was too important. He always had remarks about how I’m home all day and he has to work (which was a pre-planned and very thoroughly discussed arrangement before we had a baby). I don’t see what that has to do with our family time, or even our couple time, both of which are basically nonexistent.

Every time I try to talk to him about this, it always gets diverted to the fact that he has to work, and when he’s not working, he wants “his time.” Which would be fine if we ALSO had time for family and as a couple. I never get to fully express how distressing it is to me that we have neither, because he becomes irate about the work and time he doesn’t have to himself anymore (which isn’t true).

I don’t know what to do.