I’m just tired. This man will be dead wrong and refuses to admit accept or apologize when it really counts. When it truly matters. Sometimes I feel I can only be mad at myself because I trained him wrong and I accepted the marriage proposal so I made the decision. We aren’t married yet. I just didn’t expect him to be THIS different 4 years after starting the relationship. The true him was always there but it was masked. Now, mask off sometimes I feel like I just met this man and I don’t always like this stranger and his behavior. Today he peaked into my shirt and when I asked what he was doing he said other men will look so he might as well. I told him that was inappropriate and then he switched and said he was trying to teach me a lesson about how to dress. And I told him I know how to dress but when I get in the car and in my house I loosen up (the eventually out on comfy house clothes). Y’all I wear a full suit at work and my car has no AC and it’s 90+ degrees outside. So I NEVERRRR wear my black jacket in the car. I put it on b4 I go into work and take it off b4 I pull out the parking lot after work. He has seen me in my full uniform and he knows no one can see my breast🙄. But today he tried it! He bent over and put his face eye level with my chest and I’m under 5 ft so it’s a stretch. He did all that and then gave the two BS excuses. This may seem small but here’s the thing y’all. I have told him that I want to wait until marriage and I don’t want him touching me sexually or kiss me on the lips or anything. Celibate. He has repeatedly crossed this boundary by humping me like a dog. Pressing his erection on me sneakily then denying it, poking my breast like buttons and this afternoon was just like the last fudging straw! When I tried to express how I felt he just dismissed me and said “all you had to do was____” “all you had to say was____” insert words and actions that would simply allow him to get away with what he did. I’m sick of it. When he messes up most times he will come around and then apologize after being reckless. One day he will turn to apologize the next day and have no one to apologize to. 😳 he doesn’t realize he’s pushing for that day. 😒. Sometimes I don’t even know why I hang on. I love him, I do. But he is not the only person I can love. And God would want me to be with someone who respects and loves me. The be realized throughout the course of this relationship that he never really respected me. And I respected him but unfortunately I feel I respect him less as a person after his actions towards me over time. If I don’t respect or trust the person I am with, how in the world can I marry him? That just doesn’t make sense. You really can’t focus on someone’s potential, you have to see them for who they are and who they show you they are. I think I honestly got caught up in who I know he used to be when we dated in the past years ago. After going thru some experiences he got hurt and he changed more than I realized. Maybe I fell in love with his representative because I swear this person is NOT the person I agreed to date. However it is the person I agreed to be engaged with so I knew better I guess and that’s all on me. Sometimes I feel like I’m his cat and he is my faulty stove. By that I mean this. A cat you give attention to if you want. Feed it, give it water, scratch it sometimes and other times just leave it. Pet and play when it’s convenient. Now, my stove is like furniture will appliance. I know what it is I know what it does. It’s always going to do what a stove does accept for when it doesn’t and the fire doesn’t start. And aside from that the stove it just there. In the kitchen. Blending into the wall.