UPDATE!!!!:

I can’t stop shaking. That was so triggering. I just went through one of the scariest experiences of my life. I have been shot at, I have been raped, but I have really lost myself lately and I’m so high right now I am so embarrassed. I’ve known his abuse for a while. Since the start of our relationship lately. But i have problems. I need serious counseling and i know that. I have been abused my whole life by my parents, physically/emotionally, and was in an abusive relationship for 5 years with someone who got angry and I did everything for and degraded me. And I guess i hadn’t learned my lesson. My boyfriend relapsed on crystal Meth but I tried to stay by him because I loved him and was blinded by love, I made a mistake. We have been together for a while and live together and he has been clean. His hours got cut at work cuz COVID and he was hella depressed and hanging out with the wrong people because he was wasnt working. He relapsed on crystal Meth. I had never done Meth before and always tried to have him stay clean. But he relapsed and was doing it behind my back for two weeks and then told me one day. That day he told me he threw his drugs out and then started accusing me of cheating when I wasn’t. I talked to his sister who is a heroin addict but she’s really nice to me and was on my side when he was venting to her about it. Told him to not be like his dad (whose a Gaslighter) and that she believed me that I wouldn’t do that. And i woundnt because I have issues from my past and when I’m in a relationship I can’t leave it. Because I was in such a bad place after breaking up with my fiancé The one I was with for 5 years. That i got this issue where I can’t leave relationships. I’m sorry if I’m rambling I’m just shaking. He also thought I stole one of his baggies of crystal meth. I didn’t even know he was using. He has been an addict for 14 years since he was 15 years old a few weeks after he find out he was becoming a father. He is a very paranoid person when he uses (confirmed by sister) and all of these are not true. So his sister suggested that we take a polygraph. I was down because I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt since he was paranoid from using and show him through polygraph. I was not worried, i was going to pass no problem. Well he needed new dentures because his broke last year and he has been very depressed about it. We found a place about 30 minutes out of town that could get it him affordable dentures no insurance since he didn’t have company benefits. We could get them anywhere between 1200-2400 but we weren’t sure exactly how much until the examination was done and we had to pay up front. The lie detector test is $250 cash. If I took it before his appointment there’s a possibility we can’t afford his dentures. And would have to wait another pay period. You see the conversation as reference. ^^^^ 😓 well I get off work and we are in the room. My plan was to take the lie detector because it was just gonna be his money when I passed. And everything would work out in our favor and things would go back to normal. But things did not go well. We were laying in bed so we were all cuddled I wanted to be nice to him for the time being because I just want to show him how things can be. We just start cuddling and he immediately goes “I know you don’t wanna fuck rn and I just wanna hold your” I respect what he says and say “ok baby” he then does some stuff and trying to “make me horny”, well I was Horny but he thinks I’m faking it. I have a hella high libido and every time I have a fight I just wanna fuck after it helps me get rid of my anger in a pleasurable way. So he tells me he wants me to suck his dick and grabs me by my hair and pushes me down and normally thats ok but this time he was holding it really hard and pulls on my neck I tell him “I can’t suck your dick if you’re doing that baby” and he goes “yeah good” and starts pulling harder on my head and I go “I was trying to suck your dick” and he yanks me by my hair back and tells me to shut up and covers my mouth with his hands pushing down on my face covering my nose and it hurt. So I do shut up. I’m hoping he calms down as I don’t feel comfortable. He climbs on top of me and pulls my head back while choking me and is just cussing at me. He left for work and I haven’t been in contact with him since but I am so scared.