Am I being unreasonable?

Question

Hi ladies.
I’d love some insight into this as I don’t want to be ignorant to it.
I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years now, before I met him his goals was always to move out of our home town, he travels to the main city on the train for 2 hours everyday so that to him is hard, he wants to move into a flat in the main city, but obviously he met me and I’m fine with that but today I made a suggestion, I said “what if we buy a house together” wouldn’t that be more smart than renting something that isn’t ours? 
He flipped, he said no, that’s my plan it’s always been the plan you either come with me or you don’t. I said well why did you get yourself a partner if you didn’t want to take any of consideration of the other partners views on the matter, and his response was I’ll find another partner. 
That hurt my feelings obviously how replaceable I am, he said he didn’t mean it but then he was saying I was being confrontational and I triggered him, (only because I made a suggestion) he said as he has the most money he would be the decision maker what he says goes. I’d have to mould myself to him he says. 
I don’t know what to make of this, I’m scared if I make a decision I may regret, he can be quite controlling sometimes not in a abusive way but what he wants he wants and there’s no room for compromise.

Answer

The real issue here isn’t apartment vs. house. Only you can decide what you’re willing to put up with, but relationships should be about compromise, not one person making rules and the other following without question. You’re an adult, you should be in charge of your own life, but with someone who is, by your own admission, controlling and always has to have things his own way, you absolutely will not be. Ask yourself: Do you want to live a life where you have no say in anything, where you can’t even make suggestions without “triggering” him?

Answer

Do you want to be with someone that you'll forever have to mould yourself to because he won't compromise?

Answer

That’s SO not how it works. I am the sole income earner in my family right now, my husband is a stay at home dad. I got a promotion at work in March, but it was contingent upon us moving back to the city. Even though literally 100% of the money comes from me, it was a fully joint decision with lots and lots of discussions about what is best for me at my career AND our family and each other. It’s not right to expect the money means you have to mold yourself to him. Thats a huge red flag.

Answer

People can change and grow, so it’s possible it will change over time. But if this is a dream he’s had for so long and he’s envisioned his life this way it’s gonna be difficult to get him to see differently, especially if you’re a newer couple. You can always move out if it doesn’t work out.
 The red flag that concerns me is that you “triggered” him over a simple suggestion. This sounds like he’s guilt tripping and manipulating you.

Answer

I think is nothing wrong in having different opnions. However, you must see in long term what is the outcome of the decision. I think his idea of going out of town and rent is reasonable, and in fact would be a good trial for you go with him and from there see the possibility of buying a house. Has many ppl who sees other best ways in investing money than buying properties. About him saying he would find another partner.  He may said this while he was upset with you and it is not absurd or abusive.

Am I being unreasonable?

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