How do I tell my parents the can't watch my baby?

Question

Okay so I've know I'm pregnant for a couple weeks now. Obviously everybody in my family is excited. Especially my mom. My mom was even talking about turning my old bedroom into a baby room for when she keeps our child from time to time.
The problem, however, is I dont even want my child at my parents house at all really. They smoke indoors. They have 3 cats and 3 dogs. And they really don't take care of their house at all. I'm not talking about clutter. I'm talking about absolute filth, ceiling to floor. Like they don't let their animals out enough and they go in the house. It's honestly embarassing and disgusting. It took me a long time to even take my husband over there after we started dating because I was afraid it would change his opinion of me even though I live nothing like that. 
I just dont get how they dont realize that their house is disgusting. I mean they literally like have cookouts and invite people over and it is so uncomfortable and I dread it. I dont think there is a single place in their house I feel comfortable sitting down long enough to eat food, but it's hard to want to eat if you see the kitchen. I love my parents so much and I feel like in some way it's disrespectful to tell them I dont want my baby in their house and I really dont want to hurt their feelings. Not to mention my parents argue fairly regularly, like sometimes twice a week and they yell and it's just not something I feel comfortable having my child around. 
I dont want to have the conversation now but I also dont want to let my mom buy things for the baby for her house only to tell her no the baby will not be visiting there. This is a very stressful situation for me and I somewhat resent my parents for the shame and embarrassment I've felt my entire life because of the way they choose to live. So I have a feeling this is going to be a much deeper rooted conversation and I dont want to project all of my emotions while trying to have this conversation but bottom line my husband and I have already discussed it and the baby will not be staying at their house.

Answer

It’s a tough situation, but you’ve got to set your boundaries sooner than later. It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. As hard as it may be, you do need to have an honest, calm conversation with them. Even if you don’t want to bring up the whole cleanliness thing, you can mention the smoke and the animals messing on the floor. After all this is your child, and they have to respect your wishes. Also remind them how much you do love them and how important it is for them to be in your little ones life. It will probably be hard at first, but they’ll adjust.

Answer

Just never let the opportunity present itself...  my mom said the same thing but we never gave her our son to watch.. let her buy whatever she wants but its completely up to you if her stuff gets used... i had the same anxiety as a first time mom..

Answer

I think the easiest thing to focus on is their smoking. It's much less personal. Everyone knows smoking is dangerous for children. Be empathetic but firm: baby can't stay at their house because of the smoke. I'd also personally set a rule of no smoking around baby and they have to wash hands and face and put a clean shirt on to hold baby (a clean shirt kept at your house where it won't pick up smoke from theirs). Second hand smoke is no joke. 
My in-laws sound very similar but without the smoking. It's awkward. Thankfully (?) they don't bother to talk to us much so we haven't had to have this conversation yet.

Answer

I agree with the other post that you need to be gentle and honest. You’re the parent and it’s literally your job to look out for your baby. And It may go better than you think. I simply mentioned to my mom and father in law about not wanting them to smoke in their vehicles with the baby in the car and they both quit smoking altogether without me even asking them to.

Answer

My in laws are the same way. We chose to stick with the smoke part when having the conversation. Babies and even pregnant women are more ￼ susceptible to second and third hand smoke. Do your research before talking to them but it’s a huge problem. My daughter is 18m and still hasn’t been inside my in laws house. We do visits outside or they come to our house and have to wear clean clothes, wash before touching our kids (pregnant with #2), and for babies have to have one of our receiving blankets on them before holding baby.

Answer

Start now.    Tell them you don't want your baby around smoke because *insert evidence here*.  
My parents still change their clothes after their smoke outside while they're watching my girl.

How do I tell my parents the can't watch my baby?

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