My husband cheated and left

My husband and I started dating back in 2008 when we were only 17. We got engaged in 2012 and married in 2013. We got pregnant for the first time accidentally in 2015 and it ended in miscarriage. Being pregnant for that very short time made us realize how much we wanted children.

We got pregnant again in 2016. And again it ended in a missed miscarriage and sent me into a dark depression that slowly but surely I came out of.

We got pregnant again in 2017, when I was finally ready to try again. And as you can guess, it ended in a very early miscarriage. But I got pregnant again the very next month, was put on progesterone and had a relatively smooth pregnancy and had our son in December 2017. He was a pretty easy baby except in the first few weeks. He started sleeping through the night at only 7 weeks.

When our son turned one we decided we wanted another baby. And we got pregnant almost immediately. Amazingly, it was a very smooth and uneventful pregnancy. She was born in October.

She was not a very easy baby at night. She would wake every 2-3 hours. I went back to work at 8ish weeks. She still woke at night. I would go to bed at 10pm and get up at 4:30 and every few hours in between to feed her. To say I was exhausted was an understatement. I was getting around 4 hours of sleep at night and working full time and caring for our kids after work.

My husband began to tell me he needed sex and he felt deprived. He needed more from me. I told him I needed more help with the kids because I was tired. I told him the lack of sex had nothing to do with him, but I just didn’t have it in me.

He started working more. He was exhausted and stressed. When he was home he laid on the couch and watched YouTube all day. He began to pull away. He started calling me stupid. Every time I tried to talk to him about anything he would have an attitude.

Then corona hit. And it got worse. He was always working, not coming home until 7pm, which I questioned, working an extra two days a week. He was even more stressed. He started getting more and more frustrated with our two year old. He yelled at him and spanked him constantly. I began arguing with him about how rough he was with it. When I argued with him about waking up with our daughter through the night he started sleeping on the couch.

Then a miracle happened. Our baby started sleeping through the night. I found myself craving his attention again. I was too afraid to ask for it. And tried hinting subtly and was always blown off.

Then the night before Mother’s Day he left to go fishing. He shaved before going fishing. I questioned him about it. He left without saying bye.

Mother’s Day- I never got a happy Mother’s Day. Never got anything. I took the kids to see my mom for awhile. We came home and took a nap. Later he wanted to go his moms without me. He took the gift and cards I bought her.

I didn’t talk to him the rest of the day or Monday. I was mad and hurt that the very day to celebrate my struggles and hard work was completely ignored.

Tuesday he came home from work and packed up his clothes and left. Without saying a word.

He blocked my number.

Finally on Thursday he texted me and said he was coming home. After the kids went to bed I tried to talk him and he said he only came back because he missed the kids. And told him I didn’t want him there if he didn’t want me too. So he left.

I checked the location of his phone and he went to an apartment in another town.

After an entire week of him being gone and accusing him of cheating I finally found out the truth. Then I found out it started in February when our daughter was only 3.5 months old.

Every time I think about that I just want to cry. My kids deserved better for months. His stress didn’t come from work. It came from lies and deceit. I felt so overwhelmed and lonely for months.

And now he wants this girl that helped destroy my life to have a part in my kids life? And there’s really nothing I can do to stop it and just thinking about that makes me want to puke.

He left me with a house, 2 kids, three dogs and 2 cats to care for on my own. And the dogs don’t get along.

I met with a lawyer and most likely, were going to have to file bankruptcy to end this. So I’m also going to lose my house and all the credit I’ve worked to build for both of us. He’s never physically paid a bill since we’ve been together.

If you’ve gotten this far I appreciate it. I am beyond devastated. I’ve never been with anyone but my husband. I’m a terrified of having to eventually explain to another man that I’ve only been with one person and that person literally broke me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust again.

I’m just looking to share my story. And words of wisdom or encouragement are appreciated.