Ok. Please don’t judge.

[ ANY QUESTIONS ASKED WILL BE ANSWERED UP HERE BUT I WANT TO PROTECT MY IDENTITY]

I was in an abusive relationship from 15-17. Lead me to depression , almost committed and a bunch of scars.... When I finally escaped my narcissistic ex I got into a dating app in which I met a man( I fucking regret this. I was a kid)

I got pregnant at 17 by someone who is way older then me , 36. I did agree to having sex with him, at first, i did say no more then a few times in which he didn’t stop as I pleased. He got me pregnant and left without a word. That made me very depressed and I did end up sleeping wiTh 1 other guy. I know I was young stupid and on a fucking dating app. PLEASE STOP JUDGING. What has happened, happened. Anyways , I have talked to him before telling him that he got me pregnant in which was obvious he knew what he done. He blocked me. I am now 19 and I want a paternity test which I KNOW he isn’t going to agree too. Should I save up money for a private investigator? I really need to know. It’s eating me up.I know he is the father but I just need DNA to tell me. Im not even asking him to man up anymore , i just want to tell my daughter that she has a father somewhere when she does ask.

I know I’m a stupid fuck but at the time I didn’t have enough money for plan B and too scared to go to my parents or friends for help. I kept her and she’s the best thing in my life. She’s my world. I wouldn’t trade her for anything. I’m just so sad all the time and I know it’s this little shit eating me up:( What should I do ??

Lulu and Bree - thank you for the advice💜 i am going to continue living life. You are right. He is a monster and my daughter deserves so much better .